Not sure if I’ve mentioned this before or not, but it is amazing how much the weather now has an effect on my mood for the day. I have noticed that on the days it is nice and sunny, I’m in a pretty good mood. Today, however it is a bit colder, gray and rainy. And my mood is much worse and I find myself thinking about Austin and what we lost, much more than on a sunny day.
The irony is that now I feel so much more in tune with the world and nature, after an event that really shakes my faith in nature and the plan of anything in this world.
On another note, it might sound weird, but Marci and I are finding comfort in hearing stories of how people in our situation did a “bad” job of grieving. People continue to tell us we are doing great, we are so strong and they are so proud. While it is nice, it doesn’t help as much as you would think. Because in my mind, I think I’m moving to fast and not doing this right, somehow.
But when we hear stories about what would be “bad”, not showering, not getting out of bed, staying inside all day, we actually feel better. I guess it gives us something to stay away from.
Such a departure from my normal mindset. I usually like to hear positive comments and when I’m doing something correctly. In this case, it does help, but hearing what I’m not doing, actually gives me more comfort.
- Scott