I met with work yesterday to see about going back next week. I’ll be starting half days until I’m sure I can handle a full day without any problems. Part of me is happy to go back; it gets me back into the swing of things and saves my sick days so I can have a paid maternity leave when we do get pregnant again, but to be honest, I find the prospect a little daunting, and a small part of me is hoping my doctor tells me to wait. There are too many variables in being in public for any extended period of time by myself- too many chances for a blindside.
As soon as we got home from the hospital, I started deleting. I deleted the What to Expect app from my phone and iPad. I deleted and unsubscribed from emails that updated me on the progress of my baby, tips of healthy living when pregnant, and coupons from companies to save money on diapers and wipes and everything else we would need. I thought I got everything.
This morning, I got blindsided. All it took was an innocuous email from Enfamil proclaiming, “Congratulations, Marci on the birth of your baby!” I took one look and burst into tears. It took me a few minutes to get unsubscribed from the emails, but when I went back to my inbox, I couldn’t bring myself to actually delete that email. For some reason, it felt like I was trying to delete Austin. I just couldn’t take my eyes away from the newborn boy in his sleeper sprawled across the email. It took much longer than I’d like to admit to actually delete it.
For some reason, this hurt more than the random lady in Lowe’s who asked me when I was due and kept asking about our baby. I kept my composure for that one, even if I did tear up on my way out of the store, but I’m not sure why this one hurt so much. It was just an advertisement, but it felt like much more.
- Marci