Our Story

Scott and I met our junior year of college.  After five years together and a two year engagement, we were married in 2005.  A year later, we were trying to start a family.  Five years later, we were still trying.  After finding a specialist, two rounds of daily hormone shots, way too many blood tests, and an IUI, we were finally pregnant.  Nothing matched our excitement at seeing those two little lines on a pregnancy test.

Those nine months were like a dream.  The pregnancy was perfect.  No morning sickness.  No scares.  Even hormone shifts resulted in my crying during commercials or tv shows, but no yelling at Scott or random people like you see in movies or like I heard from my friends.  As my OB told us more than once, our pregnancy was boring- and boring was what everyone wanted.

For us, going into the nursery to put stuff away was a special treat, and we spent long hours sitting in there setting up furniture, hanging up clothes, rearranging stuffed animals, and of course,  talking about how excited we were.  It was our favorite room in the house.

And then it all went wrong.

On February 14, 2012, we went in for our 38 week check up.  Our nurse tried two different dopplers.  Our doctor tried her own.  We went to another room for an ultrasound, and there our doctor finally confirmed the terrible fact.

Our baby had died.

The next twenty hours were a nightmare.

Austin Xavier, our son, was delivered on February 15th.  The umbilical cord had been wrapped around his neck.

Following the death of Austin, Scott and I have been figuring out our new normal. And we’ve found is that though it looks much like our old normal from a distance, this experience has changed both of us.  This blog will reflect both of our voices, giving us a chance to to talk about what we’re going through, even when we can’t find a voice. Some may be angry or sad or even numb, but they are all honest.