I feel bad for not posting in a few days. Almost like I’m letting Marci and Austin down.
Everyday people ask me how I’m feeling, and there just isn’t much to say. I was talking with Marci last night, but right now, I feel like all emotions have been turned off for me. For much of each day, I feel like an emotional zombie walking around. I don’t get emotionally sad, but I’m also not happy or excited. Just numb.
It is very odd thinking about the future. I do get excited when I think about a future pregnancy, and what I’ll feel when Marci tells me that we are indeed pregnant. But within seconds, I get angry, thinking about how we have ALREADY done this and we should have Austin with us right now.
Last night was rough. We went to visit Marci’s family. And while everyone was very caring and didn’t do anything intentional, it is still very hard being around family with younger children. Seeing anyone doing any active “parenting”, is like flicking an open nerve for me. The discourse in my head was very loud and angry.
Marci and I decided on the drive home, that we might have to postpone all holidays this year.
- Scott